I spent some time yesterday afternoon with mom outside. She always liked the heat. Even the humidity of NJ summers agreed with her. Yesterday it was sunny and 80 degrees so she loved it.
She wanted me to wheel her around which I did. Every time I stopped to rest she wanted another "ride". I on the other hand had not dressed for the weather and worked up quite a sweat! But every time I put the brakes on the wheelchair she would try to rock backwards so off we went again!
Both of my parents were strong willed for sure. I always admired them now so more than ever. Mom is dictating her time here on earth in a very real way. She has stopped eating. She can eat, she has no trouble swallowing fluids or food. But she won't.
At first she just had a decrease in appetite probably around January of this year. But even so she would love soft chocolate pieces and peppermints (the same kind that Johnny Legit loves). Yesterday I handed her a soft piece of chocolate and she spit it out and looked quite mad at me and said an emphatic "No!". It seems to me that she knows she could, if she continued to eat, live for a long time since she does not have major diseases that shorten life at this age. Her heart, lungs, kidneys, are ok. No diabetes, there really isn't anything that would get her. (This might be a drawback of living such a clean life.)
Early on she made it very clear and has in writing that she does not want any extended efforts to prolong her life. She is physically comfortable but probably really not happy with being so dependent now on others for her care. That was never her MO. The Colts Neck Village nurses and aides say that she doesn't like to be waited on. (Personally speaking I did not inherit that trait.) One commented that she was behaving in a very dignified way. Johnny Boy (husband) thinks her refusing to eat is instinctive since nothing else would kill her right now. I think it is a conscious decision. It's probably a little of both.
I'm going to try to attach some photos I took of her yesterday. She looks glum in one but she really isn't. She is still in her beautiful corner room which John picked out for her 5 years ago. It overlooks a big NJ field with lots of sunshine coming in through 2 windows. She loves that. She is in no pain or distress of any kind that I can see. This is much better than when she was falling a lot just a short time ago. The falling upset all the staff as she always walked on her own. The staff knowing how much she liked being outside would take her for walks weather permitting every day sometimes more than once. That was her Bingo.
I did get her to eat a peppermint yesterday using it as a bribe to drink a small amount of water.
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